The Zuf Truth

Problem solving isn’t as easy as it used to be.  There was a time when a rough day at school could be completely resolved with a tall glass of chocolate milk and an episode of, “Family Matters”. Halfway through the show’s opening theme  I would once again find myself pondering what happened to Judy Winslow, and before I knew it, my mind would be completely at ease.

This method of problem solving hasn’t translated so well into my adult years. Not to say I haven’t tried! I still catch myself attempting to turn my brain off with reruns of, “Saved by the Bell” and “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air”.  Kelly and Zach threw my clever plan for a loop when they decided to break up 5 minutes before the end of an episode and flash To Be Continued… up on the screen.  I didn’t appreciate that.

Have the problems gotten bigger or have I just become less equipped to deal with them? Boys STILL drive me insane… tests STILL stress me out and I STILL call for my mother when I’m sick.  A problem is defined as, “any question or matter involving doubt, uncertainty, or difficulty”. Regardless of the size, a problem requires a solution and a solution involves a choice… and that is a damn scary thing!

Shakespeare has something for everyone. I truly believe that. My favorite work of his by far is “Othello”. Iago, Shakespeare’s greatest villain in my humble opinion, makes the entire play.

I never understood the whole Romeo and Juliet intense romance…. The thought of killing myself for love definitely never resonated with me. The extreme ambition of Lady MacBeth… the murderous deeds of nearly ever King and future King….. I couldn’t relate… but Iago, is an entirely different story. Who hasn’t been so entirely motivated by jealousy that it blinded better judgement? We think we’ve discovered clarity and yet, all we’ve truly found is a feeling we feel forced to attribute to something bigger. We blame it on hate. We blame it on love. The end result is always the same; complete self-destruction.

I’ve always been a vivid dreamer. By that I mean I don’t just see images while I sleep. It’s like living out an entirely different life. I hear things, feel things, smell things and at times I swear I can even taste things. When I was younger I was convinced that whoever I dreamed of must be dreaming of me as well. Of course, as I grew up and the Backstreet Boys began starring in my dreams, I had to face the fact that my theory was entirely wrong.

My dreams still have the ability to completely rattle me. Dreams where my husband and I are fighting start me out in a horrible mood in the morning. Poor guy has to remind me that he hasn’t actually done anything to upset me!  Then there are the dreams I try to hold on to as my eyes open. There are nights where I see my father, healthy and happy, and when I wake up, just for a few brief moments, I forget that he’s been gone for years.

All dreams – good, bad, confusing as all hell- unlock a little piece of the puzzle known as life. Dreams give us exactly what we need each night. They bring to light our hopes and fears. They pull us closer to the people we miss. They promise a future and they hold on to our past.  

When my boyfriend and I got into a massive fight that ended our relationship, I remember feeling anxious every day for ages after. Every time the phone or doorbell rang, every corner I took, EVERY event I attended were all marred by the expectancy that he would be there. It was an awful trial to endure back then and I can only imagine the facebook, twitter, drunk text frenzy today’s age must face.

Would it be so horrible to say I kind of miss that anxiety now? As tiring as it all was, it was also exciting. I miss my heart pounding, my whole body tensing and my stomach turning for reasons other than a work deadline or a high utility bill.

When my apology finally came, it was years after I thought it would mean anything to me at all. Despite its drunken and pathetic form and even though I had long since moved on to a new ( and much better) relationship, my heart still pounded and my whole body reacted with the realization that no matter how little, he did still care.

I began piano lessons when I was six years old . From the moment my fingers
touched the keys I held tight to a love for music that helped carry me through
some of the worst times in my life.  One of the first little ditties I managed
to play on my own was, “Money Can’t Buy Happiness”.  I can still hum the exact
tune, complete with the appropriate halting as my tiny hands tried to extend all
the way down the scales. 

The meaning of this masterpiece isn’t so clear cut as the title implies. The first half of song details all the things that money can’t buy (ie. love) and every other sentimental cliché imaginable.  The second half of the song, however, takes a complete turn.  As the notes wind down to a slow pace, the lyrics then indicate what has become painstakingly obvious in my own life. ” But of one thing I am sure, Money doesn’t make you poor. Money doesn’t make you sad. Money can’t be ALL THAT BAD!”. Money may not be able to purchase happiness in the literal sense…but it could pay for my schooling, a hot tub for my patio and a very early retirement. Most importantly, money could buy my peace of mind, and in doing so, my own personal happiness!

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes…

Nearing the age of 30 and having already settled into married life nearly 2 years ago, the question of, “when’s the baby coming?” has been on the lips of family, friends and even coworkers. My standard reply has been that I’m not quite ready for that, which although satisfies the masses, doesn’t work so well on a select few. They go on to question which part I’m not ready for. The destruction of my body? The pain of labour? The financial burden? The sleepless nights?  The reality is while those things intimidate me, they place a distant second to my primary concern. I am far TOO SELFISH to have a child.  I look back on my childhood and all I can remember is my parents bending over backwards to get myself and my brother to where we needed to be. Piano lessons, swim class, gymnastics, dance classes, taekwondo, soccer, baseball, guitar… You name it, we did it. I can barely keep track of my own schedule let alone coordinate multiple. I don’t want to give up my dream of spending a month touring Italy… I can’t yet accept the fact that I’m not destined to be a literary genius…  So until the day I can honestly say that I’ll be half as good a parent  to my child as mine were to me, I’m just “not ready” is all I can really say!

Having past the age where the end of the school year actually influences my daily routine, there are plenty of things I miss about the summer. Weekday trips to the beach, sleeping in until noon, biking to A&W for a rootbeer float……the list of sunshine and laziness goes on and on. Surprisingly enough, no activity is so fondly reminisced about as MY SUMMER JOB.

My name was pulled from a massive lottery of students vying to secure full time summer positions working for the city. So when April came along and I was told to report to the Parks Division, I was more than happy to buy myself my first pair of work boots.

What to follow was three straight summers of grass cutting, garbage changing, and bus shelter cleaning good times.  It was a far leap from any of my previous work experience but surprisingly enough, wearing jogging pants and old t-shirts every day actually suited me nicely. Between the months of April and August I had to endure some pretty disgusting situations. I wish I could say I could count on one hand the number of times my dad would bravely hose dog poop off my boots in the middle of the day! Yet, when I look back on it all I have to laugh. 

I miss the smelly dirty beat up truck my partner and I drove around in all day, the characters we would encounter at bus shelters… I even miss the smell of cigarettes in the morning… ok that’s a lie! As a non-smoker, I definitely could have lived without that part of the job!

What makes a summer job so great?

There are those specific things that made my summer job so great… like knowing where all the best buffets in the city were, eating DQ daily, and hiding out in arenas when the sun was too hot to handle.  I think the true reason I miss it so much is more than that. We’ve all had to put in some time doing things that won’t necessarily help further our careers or make us better people….and, as was the case with my summer job, they tend to lack glamour.

We love summer jobs because there’s always an end point in site. Our expectations are really nothing more than a paycheck. We’re there to save money – not usually for a mortgage or utilities, but for the things that we truly want – a new car, a trip to Europe. For the lucky kids like me whose parents funded my post-secondary education, my paychecks could go entirely to things I wanted.  New outfits, weekend trips, and plenty of nights out were easily financed by my earnings.

Summer jobs represent freedom, a future, and a road not quite yet paved.  So, young summer students…embrace the sun, the fun, and YES even the dog poop!

Time heals all wounds… a lie we tell others as words of comfort when we’ve witnessed their pain and have no light to offer.

Time heals some wounds yes. The pain fades as life endures… but ask yourself, “why do they fade?”. It’s only when we’ve encountered far worse wounds… Wounds that make the others seem so trivial that the marks they once left become a distant memory, a punch line in a joke among friends, a wistful thought of simpler times. The wounds that time can’t heal are the problem. They leave their scars so raw, so real, that you’re sure the slightest touch will reopen them. I live each day fearing that some of my scars may never fade until the day I’m asking to endure more… and knowing that I can’t.

First dates are terribly awkward… or so I’ve been told. It’s been many years since I’ve ventured out on one. A girlfriend of mine, who has been flying solo the last few years, has had the opportunity to experience many first dates during that time. One of her biggest concerns is running out of things to discuss before the date is over. So while in the past I’ve laughed this fear off and casually dismissed it as silly, today I’ve realized why I’ve never experienced that kind of anxiety first hand. I may not have had a first date in ages but I approach all new relationships the same way I did when I was still on the market. My intent is to learn as much as possible about the person within the first few hours and then if a friendship is desirable, I’ll do my best to dazzle! In an attempt to ease first date jitters for those of you out there still experiencing them, here are my Top 5 go to questions to learn as much as you can and keep the conversation going (assuming you still want it to after you hear their answers!).
1) What is your favorite movie?
A favorite movie usually details one of three things – a situation they’ve lived through, their biggest fear, or their greatest hope. For instance my favorite movie all through high school was My Best Friend’s Wedding, completely exposing the fact that my biggest fear during that time in my life was realizing too late that I was in love with someone and watching them slip away.
2) What is your all-time favorite song?
Make sure you specify ALL-TIME favorite song. A favorite song “at the moment” doesn’t count…. it doesn’t hold any real weight. A true favorite song is one that defines the person in a way they’re not capable of doing with their own words. My favorite song is Tom Petty’s, “Walls”. I want to hear it when I’m happy. I want to hear it when I’m sad….and if you ever listen to it, you’ll get a sense of who I am.
3) What were you like in high school?
Initially you may think this doesn’t matter, but trust me – it does. It’s not who they were that’s the important part of the answer. The test is seeing if they’ve gotten past it. If they claim they were popular and seem proud of it- you’ve landed yourself someone who probably peaked in high school. If they use words like “athlete”, “musician”, “partier” and avoid social standing altogether, odds are they aren’t really proud of who they were back then. If they admit they were a bit of a “nerd” – you’ve just boarded the awesome train.
4) Have you read any good books lately?
 Yes, ask this question even if YOU haven’t read any good books lately. If their short answer is “no”, not to worry! Not everyone enjoys reading and the question will likely prompt them to describe numerous activities they participate in that prevent them from finding time to read. If the answer, however, is “yes”, then get ready for some eye opening material.
5) Are you a cat person or a dog person?
Cliché? Maybe. Important? Hells yes!!! Cat lovers and dog lovers don’t mix. Don’t be fooled by those claiming to be on the fence. Those people don’t exist. Date over.