Goodbyes

Both of my parents came from large families… but with most of my father’s siblings still living in Italy, my mother’s family of 5 girls and 4 boys were the base of our social circle. My aunts and uncles first emerged as playmates and soon became mentors and protectors, always wanting the best for me and doing anything they could to help me achieve it. I remember being in Grade 1 and having a conversation with one of my classmates about her uncle. She told me she only had one. ONLY ONE!? Up until that point in my life, I had just assumed everyone was blessed with countless aunts and uncles and cousins. I hadn’t realized how lucky I was.

Fast-forward twenty years to the birth of my first nephew; a living, breathing reminder of what makes life incredible. I’ll never forget the moment my brother’s text with his photo popped up on my cellphone while I began my workday. From the second I saw that little face, I knew I’d do anything to make his life a happy one… that I would be there for him the way my aunts and uncles had been there for me. The challenge I faced then and still face today is one of distance. Living across the country from my brother’s family has made it nearly impossible to be the positive force I promised myself I’d be. Now, at three and a half years old, he’s the very picture of innocence. He’s just learning what the world is all about. As I stood in the airport with him today, preparing to give him a goodbye hug and kiss after a month long visit, I felt a lump in my throat start to steal my breath. I was suddenly taken back to being my nephew’s age and preparing to say goodbye to my Aunt Chrissy. Notorious for crying during goodbyes, my Aunt Chrissy was one of the few of my mother’s sibling who didn’t still live in our hometown. As a child, I’d hug her tight but I could never understand why she would cry. Didn’t she know we would see each other again? Well, as I held my nephew close and let the tears stream down my face, I saw that look of bewilderment that used to cross my own face wash over his. All I can say is, I FINALLY GET IT. Time doesn’t work the same way for children and adults. As a kid, it was enough to know that I would see that person again. I didn’t have to know exactly when. As an adult, all I can think of is every little moment I’ll miss… how many things he’ll learn about, how many challenges he may have to face and how he may be too big for me to pick up the next time I see him. I guess when it comes to goodbyes, practice doesn’t make perfect. The more experience I gain, the harder they get.