Security blankets, both proverbial and literal, are a pretty standard staple in the life of a child. I, however, didn’t drag around a fleece throw, a favorite stuffed animal, or even a beloved doll. No… I was born with my security blanket waiting in the next room for me. A living, breathing, fully functioning organism known as my brother.
Two and half years older than me, it seemed my brother had a working knowledge of the world that I could never quite catch up with. I could be convinced to participate in nearly any activity as long as I knew he would be there. Piano lessons? Swim class? Sure! Alter serving? As long as he walked down the aisle first! Even birthday parties were too frightening to attend without him. Growing older, of course, changed the ways in which he “protected” me. Any guy that looked at me sideways risked getting smacked. His ‘hands off’ policy definitely helped keep me single longer than I’d like to admit.
Not to say we didn’t have our typical, “sleep with one eye open” brother and sister moments. I can’t even count the number of times he faked dead or injured just to hear me scream or tickled me to the point of tears… but through it all, he was my safety net.
When I was twelve years I watched an awful, low budget horror movie that resulted in seemingly endless nights of insomnia and a still very real fear of whistling. True to form, I managed to convince my brother to let me crash on his bedroom floor so that I could finally get a good nights sleep. Sandwiched between my brothers desk and his bed in a sleeping bag with various other fluffy blankets and pillows surrounding me, I never felt safer. Coincidentally, during this time, my mother was going through her own nightmare ; a breast cancer scare that had the whole family questioning our future together. I can remember laying on that floor and whispering up to my brother a question I was too scared to ask my parents,
” What’s going to happen to Mom”?
” Nothing… I won’t let it” came his response.
False bravado or not, I drifted off to sleep with my mind at ease and the question never to be asked again.
I may be an adult now. I may be married and entirely self sufficient. Hell, I may even attend birthday parties on my own….but I’ll never stop needing my security blanket. He may be on the other side of the country and I may not have seen him in the last year in a half… but when I close my eyes at night I know that there’s someone out there who would stop at nothing to ensure I’m ok….and THAT, that makes a girl feel pretty damn safe!
The Zuf Truth 