Month: January 2014

When did I change from wanting to make the world a better a place to wanting to be on top of it? From thinking that one day I would be saving lives to attempting to ruin them?  Have I become a bad person or did I just grow up ? Whatever the reason, I want to find that girl again. The one who thinks that the world is a safe place to live in. The child who knows her parents will always take care of her. The teenager waiting for her great love. The young woman who’s sure she’ll be a writer. This blog is my attempt to find myself again…to get back to the person I always thought I would be. It may be a journey  I need to take alone but I’m willing to share it with those who would like to listen.

Why do we blow out birthday candles? It strikes me as odd that I’ve never even given it any thought. Every September I huff and I puff and make my wish and  then sit back and hope for the best without pausing to consider where this all began.

After looking into it and reading various possible origins and traditions from around the world, I’ve come to one conclusion… we don’t have a clue.

As a kid I actually dreaded the big moment. Mid-party my mother or father would sneak away to grab the cake and then suddenly appear in the doorway holding it proudly and belting ” Happpppyyyy birthhhhdayyyyy to you..” at the top of the lungs waiting for others to inevitably join in. Don’t get me wrong… I LOVE cake, but having the attention of absolutely everyone in the room highlighted just how painfully shy I was.  Rather than focus on the people around me, I’d keep my gaze fixated on the beautiful flickering of the candles and wait for the appropriate moment to snuff them out.

Each candle represents more than just another year, they’re little beacons of triumph. We’ve survived yet another year of life in tact, and we’re still surrounded by loved ones who want to celebrate that.  As the number of the candles on the cake increases, grin and blow them out proudly. You’ve earned them!

If my father were still alive today, I would be lighting 63 candles on his cake. While I don’t get the chance to do that, I do have the good fortune of having countless memories and reasons to celebrate who he was. I still feel the urge to call him when I need to get across town in a snow storm, remembering how he’d bravely set out in any weather to get me where I needed to be without question.  I can’t help but choke slightly on relaying a job well done in school or work, knowing that there’s one more person I really want to tell. So, I’ve learned to adjust. Instead of calling my father for a ride, as I put my key in the ignition I silently pray that he’ll help get me where I need to be… and when I want to tell him something ? I do just that. Even though I don’t hear his response , I know what he’d say and it somehow makes it a little easier…

That being said, happy birthday to a father I love, a father I miss, and a father who still helps get me through every birthday candle.

Monday mornings can be a difficult time to face the world…especially on cold winter days like today.

Keeping in mind that we’re all hoping to survive countless of these days, I figured it may help to list out five wonderful moments that happen each and every day I decide to haul myself out of bed. Yours may be entirely different but I bet if you really think about it, you’ll have no trouble coming up with your own highlights.

1) A teaspoon of sugar….  or in my case – a teaspoon of Nutella.  This little bit of heaven that I pop in my mouth each morning sets me out on the right foot . I’ve been relying on Nutella as my breakfast of choice since I was 2 years old and I’ve yet to tire of its perfect combination of chocolate and hazelnut.

2) My morning weather report…  Rain or shine, LITERALLY, my mother never fails to text me the daily weather report. Those few little lines on my cell phone screen serve to remind me not only to bundle up, but that someone out there cares enough to prepare me for what’s to come!

3) First sip of coffee… I purposely wait until I arrive at work before having my first cup of coffee. It helps ease the transition from the comfortable calm of home to the chaos of the office. Focusing on the liquid gold in my mug somehow counteracts the dread of opening my slew of emails.

4) Welcome home kisses… Nothing quite compares to a 90 pound german shepherd flying down the stairs and laying a kiss on you when you arrive home from work. I like to think that moment makes his top 5 of the day too!

5) Crawling into bed… The day may be long and often tedious but it’s undoubtedly rewarding to know you worked hard enough to be exhausted when it finally ends.

Then it’s off to dreamland for a blissful 7 hours of sleep before this lucky girls get to repeat these five miraculous moments all over again 🙂